Monday, February 28, 2011

Whistling in the Dark

My dear mother-in-law will soon be 87 years of age. She has been greatly blessed with good physical health and a good mind. In recent months, however, she has battled geriatric depression. It is a common and often disabling malady of the elderly. It is also often misunderstood by well-meaning family and friends who keep insisting and encouraging the depressed person to "just snap out of it". As with any form of depression, it just isn't that simple and it certainly has not been that simple with my mother-in-law.

Much research has been done on the subject of depression and there is a fairly significant amount of information specifically on depression in the elderly. As with all depression, there may be physical as well as spiritual reasons. For a psychologist or psychiatrist to treat physical symptoms without acknowledging possible spiritual problems is a great error. It is also a great error for the Biblical counselor to assume there are no physical conditions causing or at least affecting the spiritual well-being of the counselee.

But, having acknowledged the possibility of physical conditions which may be affecting the depressed individual, I hasten to add that ministering to the soul-needs of a lover of Christ will always be of great value to that friend or loved one. It is something every believer can and must do. In a short blog it is impossible to speak of the details of how Christians can best respond to other Christians who are struggling with depression. It is a complex matter but it is not a matter beyond the ability of our Creator and Sustainer.

I say those things to dissuade those who might be prone to say "Take two Bible verses and call me in the morning". I also say those things to dissuade those who might argue that the only real answer to depression lies in some magic combination of mood-altering drugs which are now so readily available.

But, to keep this blog at a readable length, let me get back to the story of my mother-in-law. She has taken medicine; she has delved more deeply into Scripture than ever before; she has had a compassionate and helpful family. Even with those things, overcoming depression has not been easy. There has been much darkness of her mind and soul and there have been days when the old saying of "two steps forward and one step backward" seemed too optimistic.

My mother-in-law called my wife, Deborah, a few days ago. She rarely calls anymore but seems content to have Deborah call her several times daily. So, it seemed strange and a little unsettling when Deborah saw her mother's name on Caller ID. Deborah answered and her mother, with a real spark in her voice, immediately said "Deborah, I've learned to whistle!". In her 87 years she had never learned to whistle but, sitting there in the darkness of a depressed mind, the song "Amazing Grace" had come into her thoughts. She began whistling the tune! Deborah adjusted the telephone speaker to where I could hear and, sure enough, there came through the phone a clear and on-key whistling of that song.

That little story may not seem like much to you but it speaks volumes to us. It speaks volumes about the need to remain patient when our loved ones battle depression. It speaks volumes about how we must encourage them to get in the Word, stay in the Word, and contemplate the Word whether or not they feel like doing so. It speaks volumes about compassion. It speaks volumes about hope when all seems hopeless. Most of all, that little story speaks volumes about our good God who allows us to walk through the valley of the shadow of death without having fear of evil. What a glorious God He is; what a Savior; what a song in the night He becomes; what a light in the darkness He is. Through the dark nights of our lives we serve a God Who often uses those times to teach us to whistle in the darkness. Amazing Grace- a great song to whistle and a great song about a God Who yet brings His children through many dangers, toils and snares.

Keep whistling, mother-in-law. Keep whistling. It is worthy praise to your Redeemer.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Goals for the Grieving Christian

In the 1600's, Puritan Pastor John Flavel experienced many hardships and much grief. His parents died because of their faith; his first wife and child died during the birth of that child; his second and third wives also died. In 1674, two years after the death of his second wife, Flavel wrote a small book for his congregation entitled "A Token for Mourners". In that book, now republished as "Facing Grief - Counsel for Mourners", he meditates on Luke 7:13 which says "And as the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said to her, 'Weep not' ".

In the introductory portion of the book Flavel lists six goals for the grieving Christian. I have summarized those as follows:

1. Don't try to be delivered from grief too quickly. Grief is a God-given response to the loss of anything of value. The death of a dearly loved one is a grievous event. Grieve well in order that God's comfort will come in His timing and will thus remain.

2. Determine that, although you and grief have had a sad meeting, you will one day have a comfortable parting of ways. We must always keep in mind that the heartaches have not entered our lives unnoticed by God and that He will ultimately use even these things for good.

3. Learn well that this great sorrow will make you more aware of the evil of sin, the vanity of life, and the fullness of Christ. Death is the great consequence of sin. Were there no sin there would be no death. But now, because of the evils of sin, there is death and life is full of struggles. For the Christian, all the deep pits of grief and the emptiness of life is ultimately conquered by the fullness of Christ.

4. Determine that the great love to and delight you had in your loved one will now be given to Christ. In so doing, the love of Christ will overflow the banks of your soul and nurture both your heart and the hearts of those around you.

5. Strive to allow the strength and peace of God to grow in your heart. Always recall that the soul grows both peaceful and wise by sitting still and quiet under the hand of God.

6. Learn to die daily to all worldly pleasures and joys and live with Christian joy as one who is prepared for the day of your own death. Every time a loved one dies it is surely a warning knock on the doors of our own hearts. The Scripture says it plainly: "For it is appointed unto man once to die, and after this the judgment" (Hebrews 9:27). Your hope of seeing your loved one again is based on the sufficiency of Christ to "save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him" (Hebrews 7:25).

Dear grieving Christian who reads this blog: Grieve well. God has given you this marvelous gift of grief. Use it wisely; use it for the good of your own soul; use it for the glory of our good God. He has not paced the streets of gold wringing His hands and wondering how He let this slip by Him unnoticed. No! He is yet on His throne; He yet rules in majesty and power; He is yet the friend of sinners; He yet does all things well. Even in this great sorrow and even in this time of heart-wrenching grief, He yet cares for you. Frank Graeff, the hymn writer, put it well:

Oh yes, He cares--I know He cares!
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares
.

May the Savior who truly cares give you much of Himself in these difficult days. If we can ever be of assistance to you, feel free to let us know.