Whistling in the Dark

My dear mother-in-law will soon be 87 years of age. She has been greatly blessed with good physical health and a good mind. In recent months, however, she has battled geriatric depression. It is a common and often disabling malady of the elderly. It is also often misunderstood by well-meaning family and friends who keep insisting and encouraging the depressed person to "just snap out of it". As with any form of depression, it just isn't that simple and it certainly has not been that simple with my mother-in-law.

Much research has been done on the subject of depression and there is a fairly significant amount of information specifically on depression in the elderly. As with all depression, there may be physical as well as spiritual reasons. For a psychologist or psychiatrist to treat physical symptoms without acknowledging possible spiritual problems is a great error. It is also a great error for the Biblical counselor to assume there are no physical conditions causing or at least affecting the spiritual well-being of the counselee.

But, having acknowledged the possibility of physical conditions which may be affecting the depressed individual, I hasten to add that ministering to the soul-needs of a lover of Christ will always be of great value to that friend or loved one. It is something every believer can and must do. In a short blog it is impossible to speak of the details of how Christians can best respond to other Christians who are struggling with depression. It is a complex matter but it is not a matter beyond the ability of our Creator and Sustainer.

I say those things to dissuade those who might be prone to say "Take two Bible verses and call me in the morning". I also say those things to dissuade those who might argue that the only real answer to depression lies in some magic combination of mood-altering drugs which are now so readily available.

But, to keep this blog at a readable length, let me get back to the story of my mother-in-law. She has taken medicine; she has delved more deeply into Scripture than ever before; she has had a compassionate and helpful family. Even with those things, overcoming depression has not been easy. There has been much darkness of her mind and soul and there have been days when the old saying of "two steps forward and one step backward" seemed too optimistic.

My mother-in-law called my wife, Deborah, a few days ago. She rarely calls anymore but seems content to have Deborah call her several times daily. So, it seemed strange and a little unsettling when Deborah saw her mother's name on Caller ID. Deborah answered and her mother, with a real spark in her voice, immediately said "Deborah, I've learned to whistle!". In her 87 years she had never learned to whistle but, sitting there in the darkness of a depressed mind, the song "Amazing Grace" had come into her thoughts. She began whistling the tune! Deborah adjusted the telephone speaker to where I could hear and, sure enough, there came through the phone a clear and on-key whistling of that song.

That little story may not seem like much to you but it speaks volumes to us. It speaks volumes about the need to remain patient when our loved ones battle depression. It speaks volumes about how we must encourage them to get in the Word, stay in the Word, and contemplate the Word whether or not they feel like doing so. It speaks volumes about compassion. It speaks volumes about hope when all seems hopeless. Most of all, that little story speaks volumes about our good God who allows us to walk through the valley of the shadow of death without having fear of evil. What a glorious God He is; what a Savior; what a song in the night He becomes; what a light in the darkness He is. Through the dark nights of our lives we serve a God Who often uses those times to teach us to whistle in the darkness. Amazing Grace- a great song to whistle and a great song about a God Who yet brings His children through many dangers, toils and snares.

Keep whistling, mother-in-law. Keep whistling. It is worthy praise to your Redeemer.

God, Please Wipe the Mud Off My Coat

We had been teaching our youngest daughter, Susan, the importance of prayer. We had also been emphasizing to her that our God is truly a prayer-answering God. On another front, we were also teaching her to take care of her clothes, particularly the new coat we had just purchased for her to wear to school.

With the warning, "Don't get your new coat dirty" we had left Susan, who was probably six or seven years old at the time, with her grandmother. As usual, they had a great time together but, when it was time for her to return home, Susan became unusually quiet. Watching in the rearview mirror, my mother could see Susan praying. She would pray and then look at her new coat. After repeating that several times, Susan finally said "Grandmama, God didn't answer my prayer". Still driving, but probably somewhat slower, grandmama wisely asked "What was your prayer, Susan?" "Well", she said, "I asked God to wipe the mud off my coat but it's still there." It certainly became a teachable moment as my mother explained to Susan that God expects us to do what we can do for ourselves.

In some ways, that is a sweet and funny little story. In other ways, it reminds me of stories we so often hear in counseling - stories of people who want life to be better, who want happiness, who want out of financial bondage, who want their marriages to be better, who want the dirt and filth wiped away from their lives - but do not want to take any action themselves. They expect God or their spouse or their church or someone else to "wipe the mud off their coats" while they go on making sinful choices and not forsaking the sins which only they can deal with. How sad it is to tell someone to "humble your self and pray and seek God's face and turn from your wicked ways" and then watch them walk away mad at God because He didn't "fix" their problem.

Do you know someone who is a Christian and yet is struggling and feels that God has not answered their prayer? Perhaps you could speak an encouraging word to them. Encourage them to be certain they have wiped the sin off their heart before accusing God of not caring. Teach them that God cares too much for His children to do for them those things He has commanded them to do for themselves. Show them how to examine themselves to make certain they are in the faith. For those who are perhaps good, churchy folks but not really lovers of Christ, the prayer to which God responds is "God be merciful to me, a sinner".

If we can ever help you or those you love, feel free to contact us.