How Can These Things Be?

There has been a lot in the news recently about the separation of Al and Tipper Gore after over 40 years of marriage. As I reflected on that, I recalled one couple we knew who divorced after 53 years of marriage. The only comment I ever heard from the wife was "I just couldn't take it anymore". At the other extreme, we knew one couple who were married for only one week before divorce papers were filed.

How can these things be? I remember at one time the Gores claimed to be born-again Christians. The husband in the 53-year-marriage had been a deacon in a Baptist church. The couple whose marriage lasted only a week had a huge wedding in an evangelical church. It is not that any of the couples claimed to be godless. But, at least in the area of their marriages, you would have to call all these people "practical atheists". That is, they did not believe God was big enough, alive enough, or powerful enough for their marriage. They became overcome by their own desire to be god and control their own destinies. They had "a form of godliness but denied His power" for their situation.

Regrettably, we all have placed ourselves on the throne of our lives many times. We have wanted what we want, chosen to act as we wanted to act, and lived as we wanted to live time and again. Even though we have preached or sung or taught or attended church faithfully we have been as guilty of setting ourselves up as little gods as those couples mentioned above.

What are the root issues in a marriage break-up? in a failed ministry? in a financial crisis? in any other area which sends people to a pastor or counselor? There are always three root issues. First, there is pride which says " I deserve better" Maybe it's "I deserve a more responsive wife" or "a better job" or "to be appreciated more", etc. etc. etc. Pride always makes such claims. And such pride is always sin. Secondly, there is selfishness which says "Not only do I deserve this but I'm going to get it!" It takes such forms as "I deserve to have my sexual needs met and, if my wife doesn't do it, I'll go elsewhere". It may be "I deserve some new clothes and I know we can't afford that but I'm going to buy them anyway." Thirdly, there is unbelief which says "God alone is not enough for me. Yes, I want God but I also must have this (better sex, new clothes etc.) in order to be 'happy'."

There you have it. Are there marital problems? Addictions? Financial problems? Work related problems? Spiritual problems? Any other problems? We must always look past the symptoms and to the deeper issues of pride, selfishness, and unbelief if we are to find real solutions to the real problems of life. May God allow us to see ourselves and those with whom we counsel through His eyes.